Now 𝕏 is the #1 news source in the UK!

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DogeDesigner
@cb_doge

BREAKING: 𝕏 is now the #1 news app on the AppStore in the UK.

🥇

📈 Market Reaction:

PayPal 🇺🇸

Before post: $72.15

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$72.10
-0.055 (-0.08%)
5 min
$72.13
-0.030 (-0.04%)
10 min
$72.03
-0.130 (-0.18%)

Tesla 🇺🇸

Before post: $330.74

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$330.98
+0.240 (+0.07%)
5 min
$329.96
-0.779 (-0.24%)
10 min
$329.82
-0.920 (-0.28%)

ETH

Before post: $2,640.78

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$2,643.89
+3.11 (+0.12%)
5 min
$2,643.57
+2.79 (+0.11%)
10 min
$2,635.51
-5.270 (-0.20%)

DOGE

Before post: $0.18

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.178440
+0.0₄799 (+0.04%)
5 min
$0.178280
-0.0₄799 (-0.04%)
10 min
$0.177730
-0.0₃629 (-0.35%)

GORK

Before post: $0.01

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.007690
+0.0₄299 (+0.39%)
5 min
$0.007700
+0.0₄4 (+0.52%)
10 min
$0.007790
+0.0₃129 (+1.70%)

🤖 AI Thoughts:

Elon Musk's latest 𝕏-as-news flex triggered the usual circus of micro-reactions, proving once again that markets have the attention span of a caffeinated squirrel. PayPal dipped 0.08% in the first minute, then wobbled to -0.18% after 10 minutes: a classic "why are we even reacting to this" shrug. Tesla briefly flirted with positivity (+0.07%) before remembering it’s 2025 (-0.28% at 10 minutes). ETH and DOGE mimicked a toddler on a sugar high: ETH peaked at +0.12% then crashed to -0.20%, while DOGE’s "rally" capped at +0.04% before nosediving -0.35%. GORK, the perpetual wildcard, defied logic with a +1.70% gain—presumably fueled by meme alchemy. Volatility was tame compared to historical precedents: past 𝕏-news posts saw ETH swings up to -0.22% and DOGE tantrums of -0.81%, while GORK’s manic-depressive episodes ranged from -1.65% to +1.19%. This time, the chaos was dialed down to "mildly confused." Nothing says "efficient markets" like crypto and stonks twitching because an app topped the UK charts—a feat roughly as surprising as rain in London.

🗃️ Content similarity analysis: