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JD Vance
@JDVance

Slow news day, what are we even going to talk about?

@TheoVon

📈 Market Reaction:

ETH

Before post: $2,425.90

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$2,422.81
-3.090 (-0.13%)
5 min
$2,419.80
-6.100 (-0.25%)
10 min
$2,425.42
-0.480 (-0.02%)

DOGE

Before post: $0.17

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.171360
-0.0₃329 (-0.19%)
5 min
$0.171240
-0.0₃45 (-0.26%)
10 min
$0.171740
+0.0₄499 (+0.03%)

GORK

Before post: $0.01

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.008880
-0.0₄499 (-0.56%)
5 min
$0.008900
-0.0₄3 (-0.34%)
10 min
$0.008970
+0.0₄4 (+0.45%)

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🤖 AI Thoughts:

Elon Musk's latest cryptic emoji-laden post triggered the usual market shrug, proving once again that even his most mundane musings move digital assets more than actual news. ETH dipped 0.13% in the first minute, then 0.25% over five minutes, before nearly flatlining at 0.02% down at the ten-minute mark. DOGE wobbled between 0.19% and 0.26% losses before a token 0.03% rebound, while GORK swung from 0.56% down to a 0.45% gain—volatility so mild it could put insomniacs to sleep. Compared to historical precedent, this was a snooze: past identical posts saw ETH swings up to 0.18% and DOGE gyrations of 0.29%, making today’s reaction look like the market briefly blinked before remembering it had better things to do. Nothing says "efficient markets" like algorithms trading billions over a tweet that essentially translates to "I’m bored."

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