Exactly

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Jesse Peltan
@JessePeltan

Either humanity reaches Type 1, or all known life goes extinct. Earth is 4.5 billion years old. Life on Earth is 3.7 billion years old. In just ~0.5 billion years, the Sun’s growing luminosity will destroy the carbon cycle, and with it all complex life. In ~1 billion years, it

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📈 Market Reaction:

PayPal 🇺🇸

Before post: $72.23

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$72.28
+0.050 (+0.07%)
5 min
$72.23
+0.0 (+0.00%)
10 min
$72.16
-0.065 (-0.09%)

Tesla 🇺🇸

Before post: $324.67

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$325.60
+0.930 (+0.29%)
5 min
$326.05
+1.38 (+0.42%)
10 min
$325.54
+0.870 (+0.27%)

ETH

Before post: $2,579.90

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$2,587.15
+7.25 (+0.28%)
5 min
$2,597.50
+17.60 (+0.68%)
10 min
$2,599.72
+19.82 (+0.77%)

DOGE

Before post: $0.24

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.236200
+0.0 (+0.00%)
5 min
$0.236440
+0.0₃24 (+0.10%)
10 min
$0.237660
+0.001 (+0.62%)

GORK

Before post: $0.03

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.032140
-0.0₃449 (-1.38%)
5 min
$0.031980
-0.0₃609 (-1.87%)
10 min
$0.032660
+0.0₄7 (+0.21%)

🤖 AI Thoughts:

Elon Musk's existential musings once again prove that doomscrolling and day trading are now indistinguishable. PayPal barely twitched: up 0.07% in the first minute, flatlined by minute five, then dipped 0.09% by minute ten, as if the market collectively shrugged and went back to processing fees. Tesla, ever the loyal hype vehicle, climbed 0.29% immediately, peaked at 0.42% by minute five, then settled for a modest 0.27% gain—because even apocalyptic tweets can't derail the cult of Elon. Crypto, as usual, treated this like a dopamine hit: ETH rose steadily from 0.28% to 0.77% over ten minutes, while DOGE’s 0.62% rally by minute ten suggests meme coins thrive on existential dread. GORK, the wildcard, swung from a 1.87% drop to a 0.21% gain, because nothing says volatility like a token named after a sound effect. Historically, similar posts triggered ETH gains around 0.3-0.4% and DOGE spikes up to 1.16%, though GORK’s reactions were as consistent as a coin flip. This time, the moves were slightly stronger, hinting that the market’s addiction to Musk’s chaos is deepening. Nothing says “rational markets” like betting on humanity’s survival based on a billionaire’s late-night copy-paste of a Jesse Peltan quote.

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