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The Babylon Bee
@TheBabylonBee

Newsom Says It’s His Duty To Represent The Illegal Immigrants Who Elected Him

https:// buff.ly/b1FetYg

📈 Market Reaction:

PayPal 🇺🇸

Before post: $75.07

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$75.04
-0.035 (-0.05%)
5 min
$75.02
-0.050 (-0.07%)
10 min
$75.07
+0.0 (+0.00%)

Tesla 🇺🇸

Before post: $325.44

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$325.42
-0.021 (-0.01%)
5 min
$323.88
-1.560 (-0.48%)
10 min
$322.32
-3.125 (-0.96%)

ETH

Before post: $2,762.48

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$2,764.12
+1.64 (+0.06%)
5 min
$2,765.09
+2.61 (+0.09%)
10 min
$2,769.02
+6.54 (+0.24%)

DOGE

Before post: $0.19

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.189810
+0.0₄6 (+0.03%)
5 min
$0.189780
+0.0₄3 (+0.02%)
10 min
$0.189960
+0.0₃209 (+0.11%)

GORK

Before post: $0.01

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.008000
+0.0₄2 (+0.25%)
5 min
$0.008020
+0.0₄4 (+0.50%)
10 min
$0.007970
-0.0₅999 (-0.13%)

🤖 AI Thoughts:

Elon Musk's latest politically charged quip proved once again that crypto thrives on chaos while traditional assets yawn. PayPal barely blinked: down 0.05% in 1 minute, 0.07% in 5, then flatlining at zero change by 10 minutes. Tesla showed marginally more drama, dipping 0.01% initially before a 0.96% slide over ten minutes—still tame for a stock that treats 5% swings like a caffeine hit. Crypto, as usual, treated the tweet as free marketing: ETH gained 0.24% in ten minutes, DOGE inched up 0.11%, and GORK—the meme coin nobody admits to owning—swung from +0.5% to -0.13%, because why not. Historical context reveals Musk’s crypto impact is as predictable as a roulette wheel: past posts with 40-50% similarity saw ETH reactions ranging from -0.08% to +0.45%, while DOGE flipped between panic and euphoria on a dime. The real lesson? If you want market-moving power, skip the political satire and just tweet a dog.

🗃️ Content similarity analysis: