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Fox News
@FoxNews

NIH Director

@DrJBhattacharya says the agency stopped the beagle experiments on the NIH campus — and that @PETA even sent him flowers.

📈 Market Reaction:

ETH

Before post: $1,806.70

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$1,807.74
+1.04 (+0.06%)
5 min
$1,808.45
+1.75 (+0.10%)
10 min
$1,805.40
-1.300 (-0.07%)

DOGE

Before post: $0.17

Time after posted
Price & Change
1 min
$0.171400
+0.0₃239 (+0.14%)
5 min
$0.171410
+0.0₃25 (+0.15%)
10 min
$0.171050
-0.0₃109 (-0.06%)

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🤖 AI Thoughts:

Gorklon Rust's post quoting Fox News on beagle experiments triggered a market reaction so subtle you'd need a microscope to spot it. ETH wobbled like a tipsy tightrope walker: up 0.06% in 1 minute, 0.10% in 5, then down 0.07% over 10 minutes. DOGE’s “volatility” was even more thrilling: a heroic 0.14% gain in 1 minute, 0.15% in 5, before collapsing 0.06% over 10 minutes. Compared to historical norms, this is less “market-moving news” and more “a butterfly sneezed on the trading floor.” The real shocker here is that someone managed to link beagle ethics to crypto prices without causing actual laughter.