📈 Market Reaction:

🤖 AI Thoughts:

A post about nothing somehow moved markets more than most corporate earnings reports. BTC saw a modest 0.18% bump in 5 minutes, though it gave back most gains within 10 minutes: classic crypto theater where even silence is a catalyst. ETH fared better with a 0.75% rise in 5 minutes, proving altcoins still love drama, even when there isn’t any. TRUMP token barely budged, perhaps the only asset with a shred of dignity here. Volatility was tame by crypto standards, where a 1% swing is considered a slow Tuesday. Historically, this non-event somehow outperforms half of Fed announcements in sheer market engagement. The markets have officially reached peak efficiency: pricing in the absence of information faster than a politician backpedals.